Dear "pakcik" , i miss you .

How can someone write about a love when there is no words to explain. Its hard to go to each day and not have the person you love to be with you. Its hard to be happy knowing that you have to wait to see them. And when you do ...You only get a certain amount of time. I cry almost everyday to help ease the pain I feel from missing him and being alone. To go to bed and reach for the one you love and they are not there...just a space...like the distance between us. My Heart has a cloud over it and when you come around the sun starts to shine through..but when I have to say bye again....The thunder and rain begin to pour over my heart. My lonely nights will some day end. But right now my pain is great. With love you will have hurt. If loving was always being happy then it wouldn't be love..because you will always miss it when its gone. My tears seem to ease my pain from not having you here to hold me. So my eyes grow weary from the fallen tears. Through my eyes pours the rain from the storm over my heart when you are gone. Paradise is right around the corner..Sun shinning bright and beautiful days to come. Time is what will stop the storm and the pain. Someday I wont be alone and the sun will rise in my eyes and dry away the rain.

im sorry for that decision i made . im sorry for myself too . one day, you'll know .

Someone , anyone, free on saturday ? Text me . Let's go out .

An endless chattering of voices assaults my ears
Comments and inquiries washing over me in a wave of chaos
I turn away and search through my surroundings
Eyes sliding over familiar faces of students
Slowly my vision glazes over as my mind dozes

A moment of rest, day dreamy thoughts start to fill my sight

When suddenly my eyes snap back into focus
Narrowing in the face of a boy, one that i have seen before
In passing, the hallway, the yearbook....but never have i seen so clearly
That smile

Trying not to stare, my gaze keeps flickering back
Carefully attempting not to attract notice
But too enraptured to give up looking at him

Oops, he almost saw...or did he? I turned quickly to avoid it
but i'm not quite sure....and i'm not even positive i care.
A smile creeps slowly ontomy own face,
dimples appearing in my cheeks as i glance back again
His smile is contagious, impossible to ignore
I have never met him, but i want to know him.

A teenage crush
I’m almost afraid
Of buffer flies
With knives
They are slashing up my insides
First time it ever happened
One look and I was completely hooked
Nothing I could say
Nothing I could do
Couldn’t explain it
There is just something about you
Not the type of guy I would usually go for
I am scared to talk around you
Encase I make an fool of myself
But the silences they kill me......
My palms are all sweaty
And all I want is for you to glance my way

Flower petals

I don't know what happened to me whether I was crazy or just lonely, all I know is I was sick of being deceived, mistreated, and unloved. Then you came along... I don't know why. All I know is that I felt a connection on our first chat, something I had never felt before which at first made me feel uneasy, stupid and even a bit childish, which made me go through all kinds of emotions as we chatted and began finding we had a lot in common. I felt like we had known each other from an unknown past.

At first I was scared and a part of me wanted to ignore and just believe that you were just someone who was playing a game being that we were both behind the screen. I was thinking I was crazy to have the feelings I was beginning to have for you. I was really upset with myself and became very angry with the way I was feeling. I didn't want to admit to you or anyone else that I was falling for someone I had never actually met. I thought I was becoming insane myself - damn it - I tried to fight these feelings off but they were just too powerful for me to ignore! I tried to convince myself that this can't be for real; I was going insane!!! No matter how hard I tried - I just could not fight the feelings I was having for you.

I have these feelings, deep inside
feelings that I have to hide
I don't know if he feels that way too
And I don't know what to do

So for now I'll love him from afar
One day I'll express how special you are
So until then I will retain this rush
And until then I'll contain my crush. 

So , here you guys go , i dont really have anything to update about . 

Wondering

Hello , im sorry for the lack of updates . Well , i will only update if someone ask me to , that "someone" .  So today stayed home and went out with mum for a short while . Well , i have been goingout at 12am in the morning and going home at 6am , this is sucha bad routine . I must cut down on that . really . So , to someone that is reading this , he was sorry for neglecting me . Well , obviously i was happy that i  got his text . DUH . Im wondering why some people won't let me contact him , some people say this that , i also like what the heck sia -.- . IGNORE RAWR IGNORE , from last year you like him then now people wanna complain , pain in the ass . This makes me frustrated , really . Well , whatever . Tomorrow gonna go nanai's house, grandma , duh. Will be heading to karaoke with cousins next . well , i gtg , update soon , when he asks me too . :P . XOXO.

Have you ever fell in love with someone that you never really talked too , has a 2 year age diffrence , and is totally diffrent from you? i have , trust me , its not working out that well . :/

These sick nights

Hello , its 2.30 am and im still not asleep . bummer , having fever . sighs .So , today basically went for a job interview at bishan , MINI TOONS ^^ .oh yes , im gonna be located near west area but i hope its not gonna be lot one or causeway ? . HATE IT , too many people i know . So , after job interview had lunch with babygirl peeqa . After that went to her house and nap , iwas so sleepy please ? AND HELLO D , you texted me that one not i reply , its peeqa . i was fast asleep ! :P . SORRY . After i woke up , went to meet raqib , rahim , faiz , faizz , aikau , faiq , apiz . Slack and talk  , pranked called , they nothing to do what . hahaa . I waslike stuoid play with their hockey stick like one dumb crazy girl -.- . So , soon around 11 , babygirl went home , apiz  ,faiq,aikau and left with me raqib , fadhil and afiq .Both of them were from work .Decided to have supper atcoffe shop . Had prata . yum! . k shut . hahaha .Went home , and boom! here i am , at last sick !! :S . AND I MISS THAT GUY , I HAVE NO IDEA WHY . sometimes i think im stupid for even hanging on .. am i ?I THINK I AM ? rawr is sucha dumbass! . Well , i gtg , hoping that i meet my mars soon then :/ . XOX .

WELL , HERE YOU GO , I MISS YOU  , OKAY ?